I was torn between venting all of last night’s frustrations here and mugging for my CTs, but here I am. I can’t go on doing anything, never mind mugging, with this on my mind, or I’ll lose my sanity soon enough.

I’m not going to be politically correct here. It’s going to be completely honest, meaning I’m going to say things like ‘FUCK YOU FEDERER’ and the like. If you want a more rational, PC response to the final, go to this report that I made immediately after the match on Bleacher Report. Otherwise, it’s straight talking stream of consciousness from here.

I’ve never felt so crushed in my life. Well, fine, I’ve been through ODAC shutting down on the same day I pretty much screwed up my exams, and I’ve been rejected twice in two years for the school team but I’ve never cried this much in a long long while, with such painful justification that it leaves me so lost. Andy was there. For all the 6 years I’ve watched him, I’ve never felt so much indignation over his loss. After years of deluding myself that he could actually beat Federer at Wimbledon (each time he fell short I blamed it on everything but Andy himself) I finally found the moment where I could truly look back at the final and say in complete honesty of head and heart that Andy deserved to win and should have won.

I’m gonna do the whole pissed off bit first, to get it off my chest before I get started on anything good.

Everyone who slagged Andy off should just fucking eat their words now. Oh no, they won’t. They’ll be sighing in complete relief that their man Fed has made history like they all wanted him to, only he was just a breath away from not making it. Oh, Andy pushed him harder than anyone thought he would have and very nearly made sure the ‘date with destiny’ didn’t end the way everyone expected. It kills me that they’re all going to strut around saying “I told you so” with the shameless arrogance while hiding the hand of chewed, mutilated fingernails in their pockets.

And Roger Federer? Let’s all stick our noses in the air, everybody, ala Mr Greatest of All Time (TM), praise ourselves and our achievements to the skies, and soak in the fame and glamour of the moment in complete self-absorbtion. You’ll be known as a ‘gracious athlete’ at the very worst. I am having a case of sour grapes here (I unlike some don’t deny things like that) and yes I declare I hate Roger Federer more than ever after this, never mind that I’m risking sounding utterly disgraceful myself. But it isn’t my job nor wish to be as magnanimous as Andy was in defeat, because Federer does not for one moment deserve it.

This pro-Fed world will snigger at my bitterness, but I don’t care. They are blind. Blind to the fact that their man is not all grace and humility as they vehemently insist, but a self-absorbed creature. It wouldn’t be half as difficult to take if more people were willing to admit it. But nope, the world is content with licking his ass for the sake of being known as a fan of the G.O.A.T.

Too bad, Fed fanatics, you may have had the joy of seeing Roger win Slam after Slam, but for as long as you deny Andy the credit he deserves, you will never have the privilege of feeling the kind of pride and love for your guy soaring above the devastation the way it does me. I’ve been a Roddick fan for as long as I’ve known tennis, and I’ve always been proud to be one, even in recent years. My grievances towards Federer for beating him haven’t changed over the years, and I’ve dug this up from my old blog, written after Andy’s 05 defeat:

Oh god! I’m writing this with a heavy heart, with the urge to cry. And i hate Roger Federer. Big time. The guy cannot get anymore sickening. I don’t know how many people over the world feel this. God!!!!!! Why???????!!!!!!! Why do this??? Andy’s such a sweet guy!! WHY?????!!!!!!!!! Why is it that Andy and his fans are the one suffering, while that stupid freak is having everything his way? We stayed till midnight. I did. Rooting for Andy with all our hearts and this is what happens? It’s not your fault Andy. I still love you….

Trashed out all the frustration Andy is feeling for not getting anything in return for his good natured graciousness. Woke up in the morning and smashed Federer’s face in the papers. Went down for tennis and whacked all the balls everywhere. Don’t worry Andy, we believe in you! You’ll win the US Open, you will!! Go Andy!

Yeah, embarrassing and all, but that was how I felt, and it’s all the same now, with one significant difference. I’ve never quite qualified Roddick all this time as an inspiration, the way Justine Henin was to me. He was a favourite player, the subject of my long-suffering fandom. Henin was the one I always saw to for epitomising grit and hope.

Today, Andy has given that to me. Watching him play struck me with faith. I believed anything was possible because he worked unwaveringly to make it happen. My new favourite quote from him pretty much sums it up:

You know, at that point, like everything else, there’s two options: you lay down or you keep going. The second option sounded better to me.

I now face getting over his defeat on CT week. And I know I’m going to have to look back on this quote and repeat it in my head for as many times as I have to just to get through this week. He’s done it. Andy has done it. I have to make it happen.

Thank you Andy for that final. I love you so much.

Yesterday’s a dream
I face the morning
Crying on the breeze
The pain is calling oh Andy.